Breathe
by gun for a tongue
Summary: HIATUS. Blair. Dan. Addictions are never easy to break.
1. Breathe

**author** --- moi

**summary** --- Blair. Dan. Addictions are never easy to break.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show

**a/n** --- my story follows Gossip Girl, the TV series not the book. Sorry, I just never really loved the books that much but… I did read the first three.

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

**Breathe **

_2 AM and she calls me cuz I'm still awake. _

'_Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? _

_I don't love him. _

_Winter just wasn't' my season.'_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

You aren't sure when it all began. Maybe it was because Serena was friends with him and you'd do anything to hurt her like she hurt you.

Whatever the reason was, you can't stop it.

God, you wish you could but the fact is you don't.

He makes you feel whole and beautiful. He makes you feel loved and you were positive you knew what love was. The truth is you didn't really.

But then he happened.

He's innocent because he knows what real love is. He knows how to care and be honest. He's never hurt anyone on purpose just to feel powerful.

You have though.

Maybe that's why you cling to him late at night.

"You look beautiful tonight," he whispers into your ear, his breath is warm and minty. His melodic voice swings by your long earrings, teases your earlobe, and makes its way into your heart.

Times like this you want him to stay.

He touches you like you could break any second. You aren't sure if you want to love him or scream at him.

He makes his way around every delicate curve you have. He's slow and careful. He doesn't want to break you anymore then you already have.

The last time you were in this room, ready to give yourself up to Nate, you ended up crying and disappointed.

He slips off your dress even slower then his kisses, that burn your mouth yet leaves a chill down your spine.

He traces the scar you got when you and Serena decided to bungee jump off her large couch. He only touches it for a couple second because he knows it still hurts, remembering your best friend.

He knows you too well now.

This isn't your first time with him. He likes to go slow, you guess as he nervously fiddles with your bra.

You want laugh but inside you're too nervous and giddy to.

After a couple slow paces of hips and hands, you find yourself reaching something only he's ever brought.

You let out a tainted gasp that fills your virgin room.

The room of the girl you used to be and, somewhere inside you, still are.

He shakes on top of you as you crash too. Lying next to you, he places his hands on your slim hips. He hugs you closer and closer till all you know is his warm chest and smell, apples and something burning.

He smells nice.

You let that thought sink in as you rest closer to him.

"Goodnight Blair."

You stifle a yawn. Blink your eyes a couple more times. Yawn once more.

"Goodnight Dan."

_**But my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles**_

You wake up alone and disappointed.

Hugging the covers closer to your petite frame, you notice a post-it stuck to the pillow next to you.

_Went out to buy food. Going to make you an awesome breakfast. Love D. _

You want to cry but all you can do is smile. You hug the post-it closer to your body. Immediately, you stick it in your drawer.

Just to keep it forever.

You rush out of bed to brush your teeth, pick a perfect outfit and plan to make this happiness last longer.

Before you can do any of those things the phone rings.

"Hello?" you answer once you've picked up the bejeweled phone.

"Blair. Hey it's me."

Oh shit. It's Nate. Something about that seemingly innocent voice made you weak in the knees with supposed love.

"Nate. Hi."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing much." Liar.

"That's good. I miss you."

"I miss you too." Liar.

"I love you Blair. And I'm sorry about this whole Serena thing. I do love you."

"I'm sorry too," liar. "I love you too." Liar.

"I gotta go but I'll see you for dinner tonight, right?"

"Oh. Umm… I'm not really sure. I've got so much homework and stuff to do." You know perfectly well Dan's making you a special Italian dinner and watching The Notebook with you.

"Oh. Yeah. I get it. Well, if you can make it, call me. Bye."

"Bye."

The line goes dead but the guilt in your stomach kicks up once more.

"Honey, I'm home and I come bearing food…"

_**Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__Never really was into Gossip Girl but I saw the pilot and no offense to any of the actors but Penn Badgley (Dan) and Leighton Meester (Blair) were the hottest people on the show. _

_So I decided to write a Gossip Girl fic before the archive got really pumped with obsessive fan TV girls. _

_Oh… this is a story. I think? _


	2. Who's To Say

**author** --- moi

**chapter two summary** --- Blair. Dan. The subject of Nate was bound to come up, one way or another.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Who's To Say**_

_And they don't know who we are  
And who's to say that we're not good enough?  
And who's to say that this is not our love? _

_**-------------------------------------------**_

"Nate, _um…_ called," you causally say as you lean against your kitchen counter top. You fidget in your seat. The plush blue under your ass isn't all that comfortable as you wait for his answer.

"Oh." It's all he says as he continues stirring the hot pot of tomato sauce. You sigh when you hear that cold Dan emotionless voice

You wait a moment to see if he'll add anything more.

You let out another sigh.

"Oh?" you question, he doesn't respond. Just keeps on stirring, which is starting to piss you off. "Dan? Hello?"

"Yes."

"_Come on_. Is that all you can really say?"

He pauses, thinking over your question. Over thinking with a broody look, as usual. You always hated when he did that.

"Yes." He goes back to that damn stirring.

"DAN!"

He smiles at your angry tone as he turns his full attention to you. The sauce dripping spoon in his hand, ready to go back to stirring after your rant.

"_Please._ Be honest," you plead.

A girl like you never pleads.

And Dan damn well knows it.

He sighs before putting the spoon down. "Fine Blair. You wanna know what I think?" you eagerly nod your head.

"I think Nate shouldn't be calling you because he screwed up. Nate should know what I am to you, which is more then friends. I also think he shouldn't be calling _my_ girlfriend telling her 'sorry' and 'I love you'."

"How do you know?"

"He left you like, 20 messages this week."

You feel guilty. You knew you should've erased everyone of those sickening _heartfelt _messages.

_Wait_…

"I'm your girlfriend?"

His ears turn a bit red but he looks you in the eye.

"Yeah. You are." He instantly goes back to stirring.

He didn't ask you if you wanted to be his girlfriend. He just says it and normally, you'd be against this typical male dominate phrase.

But damn, it's Dan.

Anything that boy says sounds sincere and heartfelt.

You get on top of the kitchen counter. You spin around so you can face him; flick the hair out of your eyes.

"Well then. I guess everyone in New York should know I, Blair Waldorf, am now officially Dan Humphrey's girlfriend." You giggle lightly as he watches you in interest.

"Please hold your crying to a minimal, ladies. Dan is no longer single. That's right. Dan Humphrey is all mine. "

You sit down on the counter. Your bare, thin legs dangle over the counter as you swing them up and down. He inches closer to you, that damn spoon finally gone.

"Hi," he whispers against your lips.

"Hi," your warm breath caresses his pink lips.

He pulls you into those breathless kisses, you've only seen in those black and white movies. You never really thought they could happen to you.

"Thank you, Boyfriend."

You tested out the word in your head but like it so much better when spoken. He smiles sweetly at you. He smiles like you're the only thing worth living.

You love his smiles more then any Marc Jacobs bag Nate could buy for you.

"For what?" he innocently asks.

"Caring about me."

No one's ever really cared about you like this.

Always wondering if you're okay, surprising you with a special dinner. Letting you pick the movie of the week, even if it's something ridiculously girly like 'Clueless'.

God, you could love this boy.

"Anytime."

Your heart does that stupid flutter thing. It's something you only get with him.

You pull him into another kiss. This one is filled with more passion and care then ever. He holds your hips firmly.

Your lanky arms run along his broad shoulder before encircling his neck.

He makes his way, kissing the corner of your mouth. His newly skilled tongue finding its way along your neck.

He hits that spot on the hollow of your neck.

If you don't stop, you'll surely be the cause of brunt dinner.

You let out a sharp gasp as he finds the space behind your ear.

It's so pleasurable you both fail to notice the door swing open.

The person's shoes clicking on the floor. Making their way from the front door to the hallway. Then to another hallway.

"Oh. My. God!"

You pull away long enough to catch a glimpse of ….

_**Stand up boy; I shine so bright when you're around**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__Oh snap! Cliffhanger. _

_Vote on how you want to be the "Oh. My. God!" person. _

_A) Nate_

_B) Serena or_

_C) An even more mysterious person_

_**VOTE!!**_

_Just bought the new Teen Vogue. _

_Along with Logan Learman (Hoot, The Number 23), Anna Sophia Robb (Jumper, Because Of Winn Dixie) and Taylor Mosmen (Gossip Girl, How The Grinch Stole Christmas). _

_There was…_

_Penn Badgley and Leighton Messter! That's right. They're officially on the hot actors and actress to look out for. There pictures were so cute. It was like all old fashioned Hollywood, and Penn had the cutest goggles/glasses thing. _

_Look for the next chapter later. Comment. _


	3. Stranded

**author** --- moi

**chapter three summary** --- Blair. Dan. Secrets can never last that long.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Stranded**_

_Crashing like a tidal wave_

_That drags me out to sea_

_And I wanna be with you_

_If you wanna be with me_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

"Oh. My. God!"

You pull away long enough to catch a glimpse of…

"Serena."

Dan takes the words right out of your mouth.

With flawless blond hair and a dimmer sparkle in her eyes, she watches you and him closely. It's then that you realize you're still clinging onto to him.

You instantly wonder if he'll let go.

To your disappointment, he does.

You suddenly feel empty and less then beautiful with Serena van der Woodsen in the room. Your heart breaks when you catch the way he's looking at her.

It's the same look Nate gives her.

"What are you doing here?" you ask. She must notice that your voice is cracked and broken, even though you're sure it was only for a moment.

She sadly smiles. "I wanted to talk to you but I see you're busy."

She mentions to Dan and your heart falls even more because he's still looking at her. After a couple months back home, Serena decided New York wasn't cutting it out. The teen beauty had been gone for two months solid.

Your relationship with Dan started around that time.

Serena leaves in silence while Dan watches her leave once more.

You're going to hurl any second.

His hands don't feel for yours and you're instantly disappointed in him because you thought he was different.

"You need to leave." You hop off the counter and away from his warmth.

He looks confused as you breathe in deeply and fist your hair.

"You still like her." It's not a question. It's the damn truth because you saw the way Dan looked her like she was the greatest thing on the planet.

"Blair."

"No. I saw the look."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yeah you do."

"Well?"

"Well what?" you snap.

"Which look was it?"

"The 'I love you' look," you sadly answer.

Dan laughs softly to himself and you're instantly filled with angry.

"That's funny?" you angrily ask him.

He shakes his head quickly. "No. It's if you know that look, then how come you don't know that look is reserved for only you."

You stop dead in your tracks.

First his girlfriend, now he loves you.

Wait? Does he love you?

"You love me."

He laughs and moves to get closer to you. He places the side of your face in his hands. "Not yet but I'm falling pretty fast."

You smile though it's forced because you aren't sure with Dan.

He's new and masked. You aren't sure who he really is and what he really wants but he's starting to fall in love with you.

Shouldn't that be enough?

_**I miss you, I need you without you I'm stranded**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__To all the people who voted for Nate or C, your time will come._

_Sorry it took me so long to update but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the Blair/Dan- ness._

_So they're almost in love which seemed corny and stupid. So there will be struggles and definitely no perfection._

_Was anyone happy dancing at the Blair/Dan scenes in the newest episode? Because I was jumping off the couch break dancing at those parts. _

_The Serena/Dan date eppie is coming up. I like SD but my guilty pleasure is so BD and come on, they could be awesome. All Blair/Dan fans please petition for a little more BD action this season. _

_Hey. Was anyone a fan of BD before me? I became a fan when I saw the pilot._


	4. Ocean Size Love

**author** --- moi

**chapter three summary** --- Blair. Dan. Even mono can't stop kisses.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Ocean Size Love**_

_And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are_

_But its close enough, with an ocean size love  
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea  
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

"You do realize you gave me mono, don't you?" he says, his tone in mock anger as you trail kisses along his neck. You shift your legs so you can properly sit on his lap while he lies back against his bed's headboard.

"Stop lying. You got mono from drinking Jenny's club soda," you tease.

"Well fine then. Obviously my own girlfriend doesn't care about sick old me."

He's been saying girlfriend like you could ever forget you're only his. You wonder if he just likes calling you girlfriend, or is feeling guilty about your little spat last week.

"So where's my homework?"

"You are such a nerd."

"Hey! No making fun of the sick person."

He makes a cute pouty face and you can't stop giggling at him. You've been feeling happier even though your mother is back home. It's Dan that makes you stop thinking of all the possible fights you can have with your mother.

"Blair?"

You blink a little before 'hmm'ing at him.

"You zoned out on me."

"Sorry. Lot on my mind."

"Wanna talk?" He's so good at that. Just making you feel appreciated and loved and just… wanted.

You like being wanted.

You've always liked it.

"No. I'm fine." You smile and this time, unlike last week when Serena discovered one of your own secrets, it's real.

"So… you want some mono?"

You let a loud laugh as he suggestively wags his eyebrows. You throw your long arms around his neck, moving your face closer.

"Sure thing Boyfriend."

You kiss him once more and truly don't care about some stupid mono. His lips and warmth are what you really want right now.

And just like that your stupid phone rings. You groan as you pull away from him and grab your phone.

"You ringtone is really lame," he says while giving you that twinkling smile.

"Shut up!" you playfully hit his upper arm as he feigns a hurt expression. You smile once more as you hit the talk button on your phone.

"Hello?" you reply in between giggles when Dan tickles the sides of your newest Betsy Johnson bright pink sweater.

"Blair? Hey it's me."

"Nate," you breathlessly say. You just can't figure out if Nate's voice or Dan's hands that caused it.

Once you speak his name, Dan stops instantly like you've burned his fingers. His body becomes stiff pressed against yours. You search his eyes to see if he's okay but he won't look at you.

"Uh, Nate what do you want?"

"Do you want to go to dinner?"

"Nate. We aren't dating anymore." Your heart still breaks a little about that night you cried yourself to sleep just saying goodbye to him.

"I know but just for old time's sake."

You gaze uneasily at Dan, who still doesn't look back. "Sure."

"Great. 8. Saturday at Bell's."

Before you can reject it, he hangs up the phone. You should've said no especially when you catch the hurt glaze in Dan's eyes.

"Dan…."

"Come on. I'll get you some cold meds to take home."

"Why?"

"Because you are now Dan Humphrey's first mono victim."

"There are others?" you question playfully.

"Why of course."

You press your lips against his as he complains of mono infected girls and a Suzy in Brooklyn. Your hands feel for his abs underneath his white polo shirt. He instantly grabs the back of your head as you press closer.

You can't get enough.

He makes a move to lay you underneath him, never breaking the kiss.

As his hands make there way underneath your cozy sweater you can't help but forget about one thing.

Your date with Nate.

_**I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__Hey all loyal readers. I love you all so much. Last time I counted I had 37 reviews. _

_37?!?! passes out for a second_

_This chapter really wasn't what I wanted but I'm down with mono so I thought I'd incorporate that into my story. _

_You can basically tell it's a filler chapter. _

_Okay? Is Nate kissing Jenny (which would be unfortunate since Jenny kind of annoys me) or Serena in the new eppie coming up? Because if it's Serena then it's more likely for Dan and Blair to happen. _

_YEAH!_


	5. The Good Kind

**author** --- moi

**chapter five summary** --- Blair. Dan. The boy across might not be the one she really wants.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

**WARNING: CHAPTER MIGHT BE A BIT MORE 'INTIMATE'. **

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**The Good Kind**_

_Do you know I cry  
Do you know I die  
Do you know I cry  
And it's not the good kind_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

You stare at him for awhile and you do it most of the night. Just staring at him because you're wondering if those old feelings are going to start surfacing, so that's why you're staring.

He shifts around his seat and eats his steak quietly as you keep staring.

He looks good tonight, brown hair in place with that sleepy skater boy hair you used to adore. His eyes shining in the light that it should send any girl in a flutter.

Yet all you see is Nate.

Your once best friend turned boyfriend Nate.

"So… How's you mom?" Is he serious? You wonder. You know you aren't so boring that he'd actually want to talk about your mother.

You force an extra preppy smile on your face. "She's great. Paris is treating her well." You let out a small laugh which he joins as you slowly sip your water.

"How's Chuck?" You see his face scrunch in confusion as to why the two of you would discuss anything remotely related to party hard Chuck Bass.

"Oh. He's good. Got himself Lost on DVD, it helps pass the time on his house arrest." You nod because everyone on the Upper East Side knows Chuck secret drug issue was pushed into the limelight recently.

Nate starts rambling on and on about some sort of sports game as your eyes constantly wanders to your purse. Inside that purse contains your cell which hasn't rung all night.

You're starting to wonder if Dan was serious.

"_I can not believe you're going on a date with him!" _

"_He's my friend!" _

"_Yeah! A friend who you um, happened to be in love with!" he shouts loudly and you wonder if your housemaid will call the police on him. _

"_Be quiet," you hiss. Dan scoffs loudly, turning his body around he lets out a loud sigh. You wonder what he's thinking. _

"_Dan?" you question softly. You inch closer to his position on the other side of your bed. _

_He turns around so fast, you jump back a bit. He looks angry, sad and even a little more jealous._

"_Do you still love him?" _

"_Dan…," _

"_Just answer the damn question, Blair. Do you love him?" His eyes are blazing and if this was any other moment you'd jump him. _

"_I… I." _

_He smiles sadly at you and your heart breaks all over again. _

"_Can I have my shirt back?" He asks. His voice smooth and soft that it sends tingles down your spine. _

_You reach for the top button of his shirt that you're currently wearing, he looks a bit nervous as you reach for the next button, and the next._

_And the next._

_And the next. _

_It repeats till Dan finds himself not being able to look away. You smile a bit and hope that he'll forget. _

_You can't lose him. _

_His hand brushes against the top sleeve and pulls it down gently, revealing your left breast to him. Shivers run up your spine when his hand runs up and down your warm arm. _

_He reaches for the other side. Though this time he grazes the side of your right breast and you can't help but want to make him stay. _

_So you're standing naked in front of Dan Humphrey in more ways than one. _

_He places the shirt over his upper body as you help him button his shirt up. He holds your hand to the spot of his heart. _

_You'd take this level of intimacy wtih Dan any day then constant groping and making out with Nate. _

_You reach up to kiss him but instead he whispers, "If you love him, then we're done." _

_He kisses your forehead and leaves the room. _

_You find yourself broken and alone once more and you don't know if Dan's being true to himself or is turning into a new Nate. _

_You can't handle either. _

"Blair? Blair? Are you there?"

"Huh?"

"You spaced out on me."

"Oh. Sorry Nate." Nate. Nate.

Not Dan.

The two of you side step subjects like Serena, Dan (not that Nate knows), and even your disaster of a break up.

You want to shout at Nate for being such a boring loser and maybe he should go get a new set of balls so then he can actually stand up for himself.

He walks you home.

His hand placed around your wrist because hand holding was not part of this deal. Friendship doesn't evolve hand holding.

He looks like he wants to kiss you.

'Please don't kiss me' you think over and over.

He leans his head down and as some sort of serious brain damage you lean up too.

You know you shouldn't but they say that a kiss is always the way to find out if you could truly ever be with someone.

His lips are moving so much closer to yours than before.

It's going to happen any second now.

One kiss won't hurt anyone.

"Blair? Nate?"

_**I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__Yes… another cliffhanger. _

_Just to tide you over for awhile. I'm really sorry that I've been slow with the Gossip Girl Holiday Oneshots but I want them to be perfect. _

_The rating of this chapter has been more like a light M or high T. I just wanted to show that intimacy that Blair and Dan have. But I'm really bad at writing smut. No I really am. _

_What the hell was I thinking with that Nate/Blair almost kiss? A) Needed some sort of amusement. B) Someone reviewed that I should let B and D interact with others and they're totally right. _

_And C) is this really a DanBlair fic now? _

_You never know who I'm really shipping for…_

_REVIEW!! _

_And read my Covenant fic "Remembering Sunday". It's finally up!_


	6. Say Anything

**author** --- moi

**chapter six summary** --- Blair. Dan. Some things were meant to be broken.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Say Anything **_

_Oh I'm here to say that you're the star you wanna be  
Just open up and look inside and you will see, yeah  
Someday you'll sing it out loud_

_One day this will make you proud_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

"Blair? Nate?"

You turn your eyes quickly to meet someone you know all too well. There's a shocked expression and disgusted eyes. You instantly pull away from Nate and hug your upper arms. You wonder how one look can send you hopelessly down.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Nate replies friendly. He doesn't know and you aren't sure if the truth will be spilled tonight.

"Oh. Looked like something that's all."

You frown and hope to God that this isn't the end of you and Dan. You can't lose someone, not someone you care about.

You wonder if you ever really did care about him. If you ever really loved him the way he could love you. You're wondering too much and you shouldn't because life is all about feelings. It's about knowing who you want.

So what the hell are you doing with Nate?

"Well. I guess I'll see you guys later."

Blond hair flies away as she turns away from your view. You notice that she's wearing a jacket that you gave her once upon a time during your annual sleepover. You wonder if she hates you even more now than before.

Stop wondering!

"Oh, Blair."

She turns her head.

Looks you dead in the eye with fire you didn't know she had.

"Don't think my brother won't know."

She smiles meanly and you wonder if you're looking in the mirror. Jenny turns her head for the last time and leaves you with Nate once more.

The Humphrey's have one thing in common.

They can leave you broken with only a look.

You pout because you hate Jenny for choosing family over loyalty. You knew you shouldn't have befriended the stupid Serena wannabe.

You told Dan they shouldn't have let her in on their secret.

"_So? What time is your parental unit coming home?" you curiously asked as the two of you sat on the small couch in the Humphrey apartment. _

"_Around 9," was the short response as he focused his attention on the football game. You rolled your eyes for the millionth time since he'd sat down. _

"_Whatever will we do?" you asked suggestively. _

_Dan didn't reply only watching the game. You openly scoffed almost wanting to scream that you were here. You, Blair, were warm and willing. How could your dumbass boyfriend not see that? _

_You decided that things should always go your way. Your lips find Dan's neck as he finds himself easily distracted from the game of sweaty and sometimes hot boys rolling around on field. _

_All you need is one sweaty and hot boy to roll with. _

_And he's sitting right next to you._

_You need him bad as you find your way to sit on his lap. Your lips finally connecting with his as his tongue makes its way into your mouth. You suppress a moan and urge to pull off his pants off now. _

_His lips find your weak spot and you feel your whole body go limp. Your hands moving for the buckle on his jeans. His fingers tracing the waistband of your 'too short for winter, too perfect for your boyfriend' skirt. _

"_Oh my God!" _

_Dan instantly pushes you off him, you accidentally land on the floor. He helps you up as the two of you turn to face the little Humphrey._

"_Oh my God!"_

"_Jenny. Relax." _

"_I will not relax, Dan. You were practically having…," her face reddens and you find it all too funny. _

"_Sex. Say it with me. Sex." _

_Jenny blushes even more furiously now. Dan laughs a little while trying to hide his surprise over your bluntness of sex. You know he finds it like art or something and with him it really is. _

"_I must say J. If you told me your brother was so good in bed. I'd be with him faster." Jenny gives a disgusted 'eww' before running off to her room. _

_Dan sits down as you smile at the door that Jenny ran off too. You turn to him as he pulls your hand, forcing you to sit in his lap. You smile at him before he gently kisses your lips. _

"_Hi." _

_You link your arms around his neck. _

"_Mmm… hi." _

_His hands wrapping around your waist._

"_Wanna prove how good you are?" _

_He gives you his answer in a heated kiss. _

"Nate. Go home."

"Blair."

"Just go."

You walk inside and are overwhelmed with tears and the warmth of the heating your mother pays thousands to have. Inside your heart is pounding inside faster and faster than before with Nate's lips so close.

You sink to the floor, lean against the door and let it out.

You let your heart break in two because there is no way sweet, wonderful Dan will want you now.

_**"I know..." is never good enough**_

_**Author's Note**__** --- **__dude. I am way too stressed. So I'm only taking the first 19 oneshots reviewed and others will not be answered till way later. _

_I'm really sorry but I've got school and all my dead end fics to worry about. So I'm trying to finish all my HSM fics, then this one, then Remembering Sunday. Then I'll start my B/V friendship fic and any other fics. _

_Than I'll do oneshots. _

_Damn. I really am stressed. _

_Has anyone noticed I imply sex in like all my chapters? It's like another Gossip Girl eppie. And yes, I have seen Penn in John Tucker Must Die. At first I was all like, is that Penn? Then I saw his face and was like, oh it is. _

_I totally ship any of the girls with the 'Other Tucker'. lol._

_REVIEW!_


	7. Memories

**author** --- moi

**chapter seven summary --- **Blair. Dan. Hearts are fragile things that break so easily.

**disclaimer** --- don't own the books or the TV show.

**a/n** --- Right, throw everything you really know about Gossip Girl besides the basics. This is AU. Sort of?

_**--------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Memories**_

_In this world you tried  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

_**-------------------------------------------**_

You want to turn back home and hide for the rest of your life but that's not you. At least not anymore. So instead, you hold your head high and put on your steel eyes that might be broken when you see him.

You breathe in deeply. (You should just go home.)

Raise a closed hand.

Breathe once more.

Close your eyes.

Hastily knock on the door.

You open your eyes slowly when you hear someone shout 'I'll get it'. You wonder who it'll be to open that door and stare you down because they'll know. They'll know you were exactly what people said about you.

Shallow, bitchy, evil, horrible.

Then the door swings open and you're met with him. Oh God, his face. It falls once his eyes lay open your usually perfect looking face.

"Hey."

"What do ya want?"

You breathe once more and find yourself gasping for air you've been deprived of. You realize his eyes are horribly cold and so unlike him. You want to cry about what you've done to this perfect boy.

"I wanna talk."

He steps outside the apartment, shuts the door and sighs. He closes his eyes before opening them and looking at you. He's really looking at you, right into your black as night soul. The soul you thought changed with him as your boyfriend.

You were so wrong.

"I'm listening."

"I didn't mean anything by that kiss with Nate. It was this stupid mistake. I mean, I was questioning everything we had and God, I was once in love-."

"What? You questioned my feelings?"

He looks angered and annoyed and dare you say, disappointed. He does that deep soul stare and instead of melting you're cooling over.

"No! I… I don't know."

"Blair. I told you I cared about you so much. So believe me when Jenny told me that you were having this little moment with Nate, it sucked."

You find yourself staring down at the ground. Trying hard to memorize the disgusting floor's patterns and cracks and anything to avoid his burning gaze.

"I told you if anything happened between you and Nate, we were over."

You stare up at those harsh words.

"Dan. Come on. It was one mistake."

"I don't want a broken heart Blair. And if being with you is going to cause that then we're done."

"Dan!"

"Better to hurt a little now than hurt even more later, right?"

"Dan. It didn't mean anything."

You know it's the truth because Nate is just the boy of your past. You so badly need and want Dan to know he's the only one for you. He might be the only boy you've ever given your heart to without waiting for the bad things to fall onto the two of you.

"Maybe but come on Blair. Me and you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It was always going to be you and Nate and two kids and a dog and… all kinds of shit. It was never me."

You fall silent because he's right. That dream of the perfect family and a dog was always pictured with Nate as her future husband. You just wish you could find some way to tell Dan that that dream was long given up on.

"Dan. I … I love you."

He scoffs a moment and your heart breaks because it's over.

Honest to God, burned down in the night, leave you broken forever, heart stopping, suicidal over.

"Don't say things you don't mean."

He doesn't wait for more of your words as he closes the door. Tears are surely forming in your eyes as you find yourself having a hard time breathing.

You can't see clearly as the tears start falling. His door getting blurrier and blurrier with each moment.

Dan Humphrey has left you broken.

Dan Humphrey has said goodbye to you.

And this time, you known in your heart, is the last.

**FIN **

_NOT!!_

_I couldn't just end my fic on that not fluffy moment, I mean come on! I love BD too much for that. OMFG!! Blair and Nate. OMFG!! Nooooo…. Okay Chace is amazingly hot but I'm too much of a BD shipper to love BN. _

_I officially dub Dan and Blair, the new Seth and Summer because come on. I mean rich, slightly snobby girl and total sarcastic loveable nerd._

_BD is the new SS. _

_Who loved that last eppie where Blair's all like, "You have a garage door in the middle of the room!" or "is that Cedric?" LMAO!! I mean here everyone is talking about the Rufus/Lily relationship and she starts acting all spazzy. _

_Did anyone notice that Dan talks constantly of Blair? I mean he's talked to her with his dad, Vanessa, and like half of the New York population. And they say he's in love with S. PLEASE!!_

_Can you guess my revision of a LoVe quote? _

**REVIEW!!**


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